Randomness More.

I need to be up kind of early tomorrow. I have the jobseekers people ringing between 9AM and 1PM... Thanks for the vague guys! That's so I can find out why I've not been paid yet. Cos I'm fucking poor and have bills to pay.

Cancelled my credit card today. Woohoo! Now I have £3500 in debt on a card in my dads name, so my bills are actually paying him. I should have cancelled that card about 4 years ago and I'd be debt free, but NO! And the worst thing? That £3500 only took me 6 months to get. If I'm good at nothing else I'm good at spending money.

Tomorrow I'm going to start looking for jobs in Surrey. I know I've not heard back from the interview yet but I want to know what my options are.

Loose Women competition closes tomorrow and they announce the winner by the 8th. I know it wont be me because that's not my luck but a girl can hope and £15000 would come in real handy. I already know how I'll spend it! Lol.

Busy busy... Gotta keep busy. Try and distract myself and convince myself everything will work out in the end.

No Matter How Many Times I Click My Heels Together I'm Still Stuck In This Hellhole.

Moving here was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it so much. At least in Surrey I had a job, no matter how shit it was, and I had my own place, freedom, money, my friends close by. I wasn't alone and bored and skint and jobless and spending all my time cleaning up after my whole family and being treated like a fucking slave by my sister. The only good things that have come out of the move are Levi and my treatment and I'd rather be back in Surrey with neither having not moved than here with them. It's true that you don't realise what you've got until it's gone. Things were much better than I realised. I threw so much away thinking that this move would be the making of me and that everything would be great. How wrong could I have been?

Getting a job wont make this any better. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!! I want to be back home. I want my friends. I want to be there to help Best Guy Friend through all of his stuff. I want my life back. This is a nightmare. I hate it so much here. I wish I could wake up and it be 4 months ago when this was just a pipe dream and know how shit moving would be and just not do it. Adam could go, I'd have found a new flatmate if only I knew how much I'd hate this.

Why has no-one invented a working time machine yet? One that just pops you into your body however far back you want to go in your life with memories from what you've lived so you know which mistakes not to make. I'd sell everything I own to use it and go back to before I decided to move. To not do this. To not make this mistake.

I cant tell mum how much I hate it. I don't want to upset her. I cant tell her I'm planning on moving back as soon as I can. I cant tell her how I regret ever moving and how I wish I hadn't.

I'm just stuck in hell. I don't know what to do. It makes me so much more depressed because I can't just pop over to Yummy Mummys or go down the pub with people or have Angry Short Friend over to watch Glee and listen to show tunes and drink or anything. I'm stranded in my worst nightmare.

I'm not built to live without my friends near me. They're my whole life. I live for them, to have them there for me and to be there for them. They're my family. I love them and I miss them and I don't know what to do or how to live without them right there. I'm 5 fucking hours away from them all! Closer to Best Girl Friend but even that's like, 3 hours! I just can't live like this. I need people, friends, contact, hugs, dancing, girlie nights in, knowing that if it all gets bad I have people just round the corner, no more than an hour away. This is killing me and I'm so unhappy it's unreal.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in a catch 22. With no job and no money I cant move, but if I get a job then I'm tied down to this place.

I hate all of this. Why did I have to react like I did to me and Ex Boyfriend breaking up and run away? I'm so stupid. So, so, so stupid.

Help? :'o(

OK... Need a Plan.

So, to make money I have put some stuff on Ebay. Then I'll put more up as and when. Pretty much everything. The money from this is going towards my Moving Back Home Fund. I have also entered a competition to win £15000, which I doubt I'll win but hey, why not try?

To explain my Moving Back Home Fund, it isn't just covering the actual move, but also paying off my debts, so the more I make the better for me! So far I'm in about £3500 debt. Roughly. Which sucks.

So I need a plan to make money, get a job and move, and find a place to live.

I want to be back home, at the very latest, by Christmas. Preferably sooner. The sooner the better.

Anyone got any ideas? I need a lot of money very fast. I'm trying to think of anything I can do that will make money but I cant. Lame.

Ebay Update!

Four items sold bringing me £18.52 after the damn Ebay Final Value fee! But yay! Some money! God I've missed having money!

Ebay = Maybe Money

I've just put 34 things up on Ebay and I still have a bunch more to do... But I'm leaving those until this lot is done. I hope I sell them all, the money would come in REALLY handy, I'm planning on putting it towards my Moving Back Home Fund. Clothes, Shoes, Handbags, some DVDs... All on there. Next lot is some more clothes, some books, some random crap I have floating around like unclaimed birthday presents and stuff. *Crosses fingers* I need this stuff to sell! And I've not been silly with the pricing either... Modest I think. It's tempting to sell all of my books and DVDs but I know I'd just have to buy them all again some other time so it seems silly. Although it would make moving a damn sight easier. I'm thinking about it. We'll see how this lot goes and I'll weigh the pros and cons. You never know. I could sell enough stuff to make a HUGE dent in my HUGE debt. If I got a job that would be cool two cos I'd have two lots of money coming in. Stuff I've sold and pay. But I'm not getting my hopes up cos I doubt it'll happen. At least I'm being proactive about it and trying to raise money.

Ten days and I know if this plan has worked! Lol. MONEY!!!