Friday, 30 July 2010

Max Ehrmann - Desiderata

A poem I think everyone should not only read, but print out and stick on their fridge. It's beautiful.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

O HAI!!!

Who wants some more good news from Sarahtopia!? I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW ON MONDAY!!!! YAY!!! I'm so nervous! But I hope I get it. A nice Monday - Friday, 9am - 5.30pm. Just what I've been looking for!

I still plan on moving back to Surrey, that hasn't changed at all, but having an income will make that more likely.

YES!

Also, started my meds today. Wootwoot.

Dad's here. Boo.

Single Baby.



Honestly I laughed so hard when I first saw this. It's so adorable! Clever baby!

Thursday, 29 July 2010

GP Recap.

So, had my GP appointment. My sister came with me to get her arm looked at cos she hurt it. Anyway, my appointment was on time, I went in to see the doctor, she listened while I explained about the depression, the paranoia, how I second guess everything, the suicidal thoughts, the want to self harm, the rages, my trouble sleeping. She asked questions. Then she told me that although depression was part of the problem it wasn't the sole issue, and she thought I have some kind of psychosis.

She asked me if I felt OK with waiting for a counsellor, or if I thought I was at immediate risk of doing something stupid (Not quite those words but you get what I mean), she also said I should tell either mum, Chloe or Adam about my thoughts of self harm and suicide so they can watch me. I'm not telling mum because whenever I mention feeling depressed she acts like I have no idea and I'm exaggerating, and the last time I told her I felt suicidal (Years ago, back at college) she went off on one and kept laying on the guilt. She told me at one point, when I was in bed crying, that I might as well do it and get it over and done with so she didn't have to keep worrying she was going to wake up and find me dead. So no. Not telling her. Adams barely here and Chloe... I don't think she'd give a crap.

So I have a prescription for anti-psychotics that I have to get filled tomorrow. I would have them now but the first prescription was no longer being manufactured and I had to go back to the GP (and wait half an hour) to get an alternative. I'm on Heloperidol for now, seeing how it goes, and I have to check in, in two weeks to see if their working. She said I'd feel light headed and out of sorts for a few days but that's normal.

In a few weeks I should get my counsellor appointment. So it's looking up.

I hope these pills work and the counselling helps and I can be happier and calmer and less rage-y and more stable and stuff. Just better. Now so wildly swinging from one mood to another with paranoia thrown in for good measure.

Religion is...

I believe that the only way to accept the differences in people is to understand them. Not to judge people outright on their actions, but to understand how those actions came to pass. My constant need for information, explanation, understanding and reasons may annoy or bore people. But it's through those things that I can become accepting of others.

I am not Christian. I consider myself Pagan, I follow nature and a vast array of Gods from many cultures to make a religion that fits for me, that makes sense to me. Some people don't understand it, or like it, but it's mine and they don't have to. But I'd like them to respect it.

I endlessly read as much as I can on other religions and belief systems so that I can understand why people believe what they do, understand their actions and reactions. I think that through knowledge and acceptance of our differences, we can all live together better, treat each other better. It shocks people that I read the bible and other Christian texts, that I read about voodoo (Not the Hollywood idea of voodoo) and Islam and Judaism. Cults fascinate me. I like to get into the heart of things and pick them apart so that I can understand how everything works.

A big debate happened on my friend Jons FB because of religion. A friend of ours posted a status being derogatory about a Christian handing out leaflets, so Jon (A Christian) wrote a similar status, but substituting Christian for ginger, as our friend is ginger, to point out how ridiculous it is. Thus began one of the most frustrating conversations about religion I have even been in. I will post it under a cut. Jon is in bold and our other friend Aaron is in italics, my parts are in regular type. What do you think of it all? *Warning!* It's LONG. And the beginning is missing because someone else was involved and she deleted her posts so it didn't make sense at all.


Odd...

I've had this blog, in one of it's homes, for a while now and yet no Hanson based posts. I must remedy that!



Thinkin' Bout Somethin'... The First single from their new album Shout It Out. Oh yeah.



Ignore the video, it's some crazy Dream Twilight Cast fanvid. But the song's great! Breaktown. Unreleased I believe. *Loves*



Live cover of the Radiohead song Optimistic. I much prefer this version than the original to be fair.



Isaac Hanson doing what he does best... Singing the pants off of the ladies. I love his voice, I LOVE him singing this song. Live cover of the Bill Withers song Ain't No Sunshine. *Melts*



Another unreleased track, Never Let Go. I used to sing this to my friends son when he got grumpy and wouldn't stop crying. I love it.

That's the last one for this post! I fucking LOVE Hanson! Don't hate! They're win, srsly!

Hey Photobucket! Grow Up!

So it looks like two of my T-Shirt Hell tees violated photobuckets terms of use. One said "I fucking love to cuddle" and the other said "Yes my tshirt says fuck on it. It also says cunt, twat and machine washable."... The one thing those two shirts have in common? The word fuck. Of course, there are 2 OTHER shirts that say fuck on them... Way to go photobucket. There's also one that says shit, two that say bitch, a few that might be seen as anti Christian and few that either condone or picture cartoon violence if you want to remove those aswell.

Dumbasses.

I think that's quite petty. It's not porn. It's not hurting anyone. It's the words fuck, cunt and twat. Frankly, that's not that bad. I'm pretty sure there are worse things on there. Do people really get so mortally offended by a few curse words? I hope so, it's why I want the shirts. Lol!

No more Ebay sales just yet. I hope I didn't peak at five. That would be super lame.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Surprised Kitty...



How cute is THAT!?! Hehehe...

OK... Need a Plan.

So, to make money I have put some stuff on Ebay. Then I'll put more up as and when. Pretty much everything. The money from this is going towards my Moving Back Home Fund. I have also entered a competition to win £15000, which I doubt I'll win but hey, why not try?

To explain my Moving Back Home Fund, it isn't just covering the actual move, but also paying off my debts, so the more I make the better for me! So far I'm in about £3500 debt. Roughly. Which sucks.

So I need a plan to make money, get a job and move, and find a place to live.

I want to be back home, at the very latest, by Christmas. Preferably sooner. The sooner the better.

Anyone got any ideas? I need a lot of money very fast. I'm trying to think of anything I can do that will make money but I cant. Lame.

Oh hell.

The coolpix advert just made me all teary eyed. WTF!?!

Boo.

I feel a bit poorly sick today. Gah. Maybe it's this crazy muggy heat we've got going on. So lame. I'm a spring/ Autumn person, me and heat don't get on and the cold pisses me off. I like that nice warmth with a breeze thing that HARDLY EVER HAPPENS. Although in winters defence snow is awesome. Summer, I have nothing nice to say about you. You make me ill and uncomfortable and burn which makes me more ill. I don't like it. Cut that shit out.

Been to town once already to buy postage stuff, off again in a while to post said stuff. Sold something else. It's all rather exciting. 5 down, 29 to go! Lmao. So far. I have so much stuff. I've decided to sell all of my DVDs. Except my absolute favourites that I watch all the time like V for Vendetta and stuff. Cos I love them too much. Meh. I'm going to do it in lots of 10 over the next few months. Heh.

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Ebay Update!

Four items sold bringing me £18.52 after the damn Ebay Final Value fee! But yay! Some money! God I've missed having money!

Ebay = Maybe Money

I've just put 34 things up on Ebay and I still have a bunch more to do... But I'm leaving those until this lot is done. I hope I sell them all, the money would come in REALLY handy, I'm planning on putting it towards my Moving Back Home Fund. Clothes, Shoes, Handbags, some DVDs... All on there. Next lot is some more clothes, some books, some random crap I have floating around like unclaimed birthday presents and stuff. *Crosses fingers* I need this stuff to sell! And I've not been silly with the pricing either... Modest I think. It's tempting to sell all of my books and DVDs but I know I'd just have to buy them all again some other time so it seems silly. Although it would make moving a damn sight easier. I'm thinking about it. We'll see how this lot goes and I'll weigh the pros and cons. You never know. I could sell enough stuff to make a HUGE dent in my HUGE debt. If I got a job that would be cool two cos I'd have two lots of money coming in. Stuff I've sold and pay. But I'm not getting my hopes up cos I doubt it'll happen. At least I'm being proactive about it and trying to raise money.

Ten days and I know if this plan has worked! Lol. MONEY!!!

Fear.

Fear has been a useful tool in our efforts as a people to grow and evolve. As children we have an inbuilt fear of strangers, something that has worked throughout the ages and still does. It stops us straying to far from our mothers side and into the hands of predators. Unhelpful if the predator is someone trusted but that's something else entirely.

As we grow, learn our surrounding, learn to protect ourself and make educated judgements that fear fades but doesn't disappear completely. Very few people honestly have an "Every stranger is a friend you haven't met yet!" attitude. A small measure of fear in our lives is healthy, it stops us from acting in a way that puts ourselves and our loved ones in danger, stops us taking unnecessary risks. Some of it is learned, things our parents instilled in us, some of it seems to be something passes through the genes, inexplicable. Passes maybe from generations and generation of learning, much like some animals know, when put in a new area and without interaction with natives, what foods or animals are threats to them even though they've never before encountered them.

When fear is left as a ruling factor in your life and is left to breed and control, no matter what lever you are capable of functioning at, all of you decisions are made through fear. This is a problem when fear effects the way you interact with people, the risks you wont take that most people don't even see as a risk. When fear leads it can lead you to miss out on some of lifes most precious moments.

Some people have claimed that it is fear that pushes them to achieve the things that they do. Fear of failing pushes them to win, fear if being forgotten pushes them to do the unforgettable. But not everyone is able to harness their fear and control it and use it to grow in a healthy way. Most people are controlled by their fear, they don't control it and that fear can bury them.

Fear for me makes it almost impossible to make eyecontact. It makes meeting new people a practically painful experience. It has stopped me from opening up, making the first move, taking leaps that now I know could have been great for me. Would have been if I hadn't let my fear blind me and stop me doing it.

My fear of heights mean I'll never go bungee jumping. It also means that I'm not very likely to stand at the edge of a very high mountain lest I fall off. It means you wont ever find me standing on the top of a building threatening to jump off, no matter how bad it all gets.

I'm trying not to let my fear guide me. I want to control it, learn it, grow from it, understand it.

I worry for the people that cant, or wont, get past their fear. Because their lives are darkened by it.

Jay Brannan - Sing-A-Long Song.

Great song. Isn't he cute? Love him. Do excuse the waffle at the beginning... It's his video not mine so deal with it... Lol!



It's music at about 1.50 if you want to skip ahead.

Heh. This goes with one train of thought about everything going on atm... Just one. But it's there. Oh my mind! You are a dick mind!

Update.

So I had my New Patient Registration today... Was meant to be yesterday but they had to change it due to sickness. So now I'm registered and shizzola AND I have an appointment for Thursday afternoon to talk to a GP about my depression and shit. She's a locum(?) GP so she may or may not be able to help, if not the receptionist said that they'd get me another appointment with a site specific GP instead. *Crosses fingers* I need some help now, most definitely, so I hope this appointment will be a good start for me. If I can get my head in the right place then everything will start being OK. I hope. I seem to be hoping a lot. *Shrug* That's all I have left really.

Boots!

Oh shit... I kinda want these boots quite a lot right now... Cowboy Boots of Win. That is all.

Monday, 26 July 2010

Awwww!!!

Just went downstairs for a fag to find my bro and his blond lady there with the CUTEST puppy EVER sat there! He's fucking TINY and black and adorable and called Rufus and I want him! So much!*Plans the theft of a puppy*

On another note, I need £7000 fast. Anyone want to donate to the cause?

T-shirt Hell

I've been perusing the interwebs looking at clothes... Which is strangely girlie behaviour for me I'll admit. Imagine my horror to discover that the Tshirt Hell shirts I want are sized so that I wear a XL. Way to knock my self esteem guys! Granted, in any other cut I'd be a Medium but still. No cool! Anyways. Thought I'd share my finds. :o) I'm pretty sure this counts as about 50% of the shirts they sell, some of which I used to own but got too fat for so I binned them, then lost the weight again. Of life, you do throw me some curve balls.

I'm putting the shirts under a cut, because this post will go ON and ON otherwise. Forever.

Ingrid Michaelson - Maybe.

Another awesome song of hers. *Sigh* So true.



Love her so much. Love her music. Love Love Love. Guess why I love this one so much. I'm soooooo retarded. Seriously.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Lame.

My sister has a date tonight. My brother is curled up on the sofa with mystery blond (Thanks for the intro) who I'm assuming he's seeing. I'm mourning my loss. And I'm the oldest. How is this fair again?

Uhhh... A Handly Woman to have Around.

I had to share this... It's pretty epic...



How do you do that because I think that's a party trick I need to learn. I'd get invited EVERYWHERE! Or... Everywhere that people were drinking beer with screwtop caps... In which case they wouldn't actually need me because their hands would work just as well. Although it looks better done by boob than hand. Sorry if I ruined the illusion by mentioning screwtop caps.

I got bitten by something and it sting like a bitch. Ouch.

And I just spilt tea on my keyboard which is pretty retarded. I wish I could say that it's the first time that's happened but it isn't... It's a far too regular occurrence. I would like to blame it whole heartedly on that video in this case though... I got distracted and forgot how the whole "holding a cup of boiling hot tea" thing worked. Boobies do that too me. So does beer. Combined I'm surprised I can even type.

Saturday, 24 July 2010

Marit Larsen - If A Song Could Get Me You



I prefer the acoustic version she did for N-Joy, the same people that the Ellie Goulding video came from, but they disabled embedding so I went for this one... Which is still really good, but I like music stripped down and raw, just the singer and a guitar. It's my favourite.

I love this song. That she's saying she loves this person so much, and she was afraid so she let them go but realised it was a mistake and now she'd do anything to have them back. A sentiment I would obviously love given my current situation, lol, but I've loved this song since I first heard it a few months ago... 3 or 4 maybe. *Loves*

Random Happy Quotes.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.” Veronica A. Shoffstall

"Love is an attempt at penetrating another being, but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual." Otavio Paz

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything." Katharine Hepburn

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience” E.E. Cummings

Yeah... I stole those off of my friends facebook.

"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Valerie." - Valarie - V for Vendetta.

"I speak without reservation from what I know and who I am. I do so with the understanding that all people should have the right to offer their voice to the chorus whether the result is harmony or dissonance, the worldsong is a colorless dirge without the differences that distinguish us, and it is that difference which should be celebrated not condemned. Should any part of my music offend you, please do not close your ears to it. Just take what you can use and go on." - Ani Difranco

"Swan's glide along the surface, but paddle like fury under the water." - Still Thinking of You - Adele Parks

"You have this bourgeois notion that in order for love to be real it has to be permanent. Nothing is permanent. That's just a fact. We move in and out of loving other people, but that doesn't make the love any less real." - Angela Montenegro

"Listen, you said you wanted to do this alone because feelings are ephemeral. So is life, Brennan. We're here one minute and then we're gone the next. You should know that better than anybody! If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever going to touch you." - Angela Montenegro.


And those are from mine.

Juice Issues.

I'm fussy with juice. I don't like orange juice or pineapple juice or anything that has either of those juices in them. So when mum buys 4 kinds of juice, one orange, one pineapple, one orange and pineapple and one apple, is it too much to ask that the apple one can be mine? Seeing as everyone else drinks the other manky ones. But no. One day after purchase and the apple juice is almost gone leaving only the crappy ones left. Thanks Chloe, you selfish bitch.

Depression.

Depression is a dangerous and sneaky illness. It attacks you, drags you under and when you don't think it can get worse it does. The you claw your way back out of the hole and think you're OK and you carry on, maybe a bit sadder than most, it grabs you again and pulls you further down than before.
Depression isn't just sadness, it'd a deep, uncontrollable spiral of hate, fear, self loathing and a painful sense of despair. It's blankness, emptiness, pain, fear, all of the negative emotions balled up and in one person ready to suffocate. It's shifting, spinning, changing and awful to its core. It seeps into everything, taints everything, turns the beautiful ugly, actions of grace into viciousness, love into hate, openness into closed. It twists and warps things.

In the UK mental illness accounts for a third of all illnesses, one person in six at any given moment will suffer from some kind of anxiety or depression and one in four will experience at least one mental illness in their life. Mental health conditions cost approximately £77 billion a year in the UK alone. Suicide is the leading cause of death in young people and adults under 45. In 2007 in the UK there were over 4000 suicides, over half of which were people under 45. These totals don't just account for depression, they also count in bipolar, manic depression, ADD&ADHD, Sever OCD, PTSD, anorexia, personality disorders, schizophrenia, dementia, strokes and eating disorders. The suicide rate is a terrifying fact to know... That through depression, desperation, untreated issues that overpower and take over peoples die. That so many people suffer so deeply that they cannot go on. They cannot face a tomorrow that weighs them so far down.
Too many people don't go for treatment for their mental illness, for their depression, through fear, embarrassment or a stubborn and ill-founded belief that they will be OK. That they could cope because they had until now. Not realising the power of their illness and the things it can do. The worst is when people know that they need help and still wont seek it because they are scared of how people will view them.
From the NHS website:

“Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, it's a chronic (long-term) condition that may require long-term management or treatment. Some people only have depression once, but many people have repeated episodes.

Getting help as soon as you think you may be depressed may prevent your depression getting worse. The exact causes of depression aren’t fully known. It seems more likely to occur if there's depression in the family, but having a depressed relative doesn't mean you'll necessarily become depressed yourself. Furthermore, there are a number of lifestyle factors or influences in the world around you that may increase the risk of you developing depression.”

The only people who can truly understand depression and the damage it can do are the people that suffer, or have suffered from it. Much like a migraine. Someone who has never had a migraine cannot understand it isn't “just a headache” (something I have heard many times while in the midst of a skull splitting, gut wrenching, pain fest.), it's so much worse than that. You can't really explain it. So someone who has never suffered from depression, even those who witness someone close to them suffering, cannot understand the depths of it. It isn't just sadness. It isn't just being miserable. It isn't just someone moping and refusing to be happy and OK and just get over it. It's someone who cannot get over it. Not without help. Because they don't have the equipment to cope.

Depression is the monster lurking under your bed. Grief can spark it. Trauma. Years of abuse. Chemical imbalance in the brain. Years of negativity. Sometimes they just don't know what causes it. Whatever the reason, it is there in many, but not all. Affecting how you feel, think, see and cope. How you act and react. How you see yourself and others and how your life unfolds.

My struggle with depression has lasted 10-12 years. I have seeked help only to be treated like it was nothing serious, so I stopped asking. Every few years when things got too tough I considered trying again before remembering the feeling of not being believed. I have attempted to cope, compensate and live. I merely survived and was lucky to manage even that. Now I'm going to take the step, ask for help and somehow start my journey of recovery. I hope others will too.

If you're reading this, you know who you are. Please do it.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Levels of Mood.

I gauge peoples good moods thus:
  1. Yeah's OK. Good Mood - Happy enough, but nothing to shout about.
  2. Hey! Lookin Good! Good Mood - The kind of good mood where you have a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye.
  3. Woo Hoo! Good Mood - Pretty Fucking Good!
  4. OMGWTFBBQ!!??!! Good Mood - One of the best good moods. That crazy hyper good mood with lots of giggles.
  5. I JUST GOT LAID!!! Good Mood - You don't HAVE to have gotten laid for this to be fitting, but it's that kind of good mood that is beyond belief, like how you feel when you get some for the first time in ages.
I gauge bad moods thus:
  1. Meh. Bad Mood - One down from the lowest good mood. Not too bad but it could be worse.
  2. Sad Panda! Bad Mood - Uhoh! Something's wrong!
  3. Oh GOD no! Bad Mood - It's not looking great right now. :o(
  4. FUCK OFF!! Bad Mood - The ANGRY bad mood... Back away slowly... No sudden moves!
  5. KILL ME NOW!!! Bad Mood - Quick! Get help! This guy is in trouble!


Shhh... Secret!
Shoooosh! It's a secret!

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Stuff I Don't Like.

  1. Normal sized tomatoes. 
  2. Liquorish.
  3. The taste/ smell of herbal Nytol.
  4. Honey Roast Ham (BLURGH!)
  5. When a pen runs out if ink half way through writing something and I don't have a pen of the same colour.
  6. Running out of battery on ANYTHING.
  7. When people take ages to text back.
  8. Pineapple juice.
  9. The fact that my nose runs when I cry.
  10. Hayfever.
  11. Not understanding things. Which seems to happen a lot at the moment.
  12. Having no money.
  13. Living here.
  14. Feeling like shit all the time.
  15. Things that smell really sickly sweet. Like fake vanilla smell and fake sweety smell.
  16. Not being able to find something.
  17. Being over emotional.
  18. Comedies that are really embarrassing. I cant watch them. They make me cringe-y and weird.
  19. Forgetting the name of a song when you REALLY want to hear it.
  20. Being a penny short on the cost of something and not being able to buy it.
  21. When it's humid.
  22. The sound of mopeds.
  23. The fact that Harleys don't sound the same as they used to. (Thanks law! You ruined my favourite sound! Assholes.)
  24. Stubbing my toe. Especially when I stub it on my metal bedframe. OUCH!
  25. When people take offence to things that I don't mean offensively.
  26. Having LOADS of pennies but not having the time or patience to count them out and get them changed into real money.
  27. Running out of conditioner mid hair wash. Lame.
  28. When doctors don't take me seriously about serious things.
  29. My birthday. It sucks every year without fail.
  30. Getting sick. I hate getting sick. It's like... I hate the fact that I lose control when I get sick maybe. It's not fun.
  31. Making a cup of tea and realising I'm out of milk.
  32. Washing up.
  33. The fact that we can't take our dog for a walk. He just wont do it.
  34. Being lonely.
  35. Getting blisters.

Sarah Decides She Wants to Move Back to Surrey...

Yes. I am hating where I live. I am poor. I am away from my friends. I am very, very, very sad panda. I want to go home now please. Thank you.

BUT for me to succeed in relocating (again) I need money, and a job to move to, and a place to live, and other things my tired brain can't think about right now.

In short, I need a miracle.

I also want to learn to ride a motorbike, and to actually get a motorbike and all of the many and varied things that come WITH owning a motorbike. This, too, will cost money. Of which I have none.

I'm seeing a pattern.

Also, in the words of the Aussies, don't piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining.

The Rock Bomb

Even The Rock cannot resist the call of the photobomb.