*Happy Sigh*

Sat in a coffee shop, not part of the chain I work for, updating my blog and being a struggling writer cliche. It's fun. I might do this every week. It's nice to be out of Daves room and actually just chilling without being around other people. Well... I am around other people, but they're not reading me quotes off of IMDB, bugging me to watch movies, or listening to music I don't like. I've chucked on some earphones, and am listening to the Legally Blonde Musical soundtrack... London cast. Yay! I however, have a little problem with this soundtrack. They've changed the lyrics in Positive, which as anyone who has read this blog will know is one of my favourite songs... I don't like this version much. Will have to get the Broadway version from Jack. As that's the one I first heard, and I <3 it! Lol.

I guess it says a lot about me that I cant really follow through on anything for more than a few weeks. I start a diet, forgotten about it in a few weeks. Quit smoking, I'm back on the fags again in a few weeks. Start a story, a few weeks in I've abandoned it due to lack of ideas. Have a blog? Sporadically write on it. Usually about nothing at all.

It's quite pathetic really.

Like a Boss... My Current Move Collection of Win,

So I have about 300 DVDs at my mums, safely boxed away in her basement until I have somewhere to actually house them for reals. Here though, with me, I have about 170 films, with more on the way. I'm epically proud of this. So proud infact, that I am going to list them all, and probably update this post as the list grows. Do you know how much space these films take up? About 400GB. Yeah. That's badass. Lol. I'm thinking of doing "reviews" for some or maybe all of them, depending how bored I get of the idea, as I watch them. Cos I'm THAT cool. Heh.

Also, listing them here, means that if someone wants to borrow one, I can send them here to pick and it saves me trying to remember them all. Lol.

1. 30 Days of Night.
2. Airheads.
3. American History X.
4. An American Werewolf in Paris.
5. Arachnophobia.
6. Astroboy.
7. BASEketball.
8. Beverly Hills Cop 1.
9. Beverly Hills Cop 2.
10. Beverly Hills Cop 3.
11. Black Dynamite.
12. Black Snake Moan.
13. Blazing Saddles.
14. Blood and Bone.
15. Brick.
16. Buried.
17. Caddyshack.
18. Case 39.
19. Chaw.
20. Clerks 2.
21. Con Air.
22. Darkness Falls.
23. Dead Cert.
24. Dead Heat.
25. Dead Mans Shoes.
26. Death Race.
27. Devil.
28. Doghouse.
29. Dracula: Dead and Loving it.
30. Fatal Attraction.
31. Friday the 13^th Part 1.
32. Friday the 13^th Part 10: Jason X.
33. Friday the 13^th Part 11: Freddy vs. Jason.
34. Friday the 13^th Part 12:
35. Friday the 13^th Part 2.
36. Friday the 13^th Part 3.
37. Friday the 13^th Part 4: The Final Chaper.
38. Friday the 13^th Part 5: A New Beginning.
39. Friday the 13^th Part 6: Jason Lives.
40. Friday the 13^th Part 7: The New Blood.
41. Friday the 13^th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan.
42. Friday the 13^th Part 9: Jason goes to Hell.
43. Frozen.
44. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
45. H.P Lovecrafts Necronomicon.
46. Hard Candy.
47. Harley Davidson and the Marlbro Man.
48. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1.
49. Hocus Pocus.
50. Hot Tub Time Machine.
51. House of Flying Daggers.
52. How to Train your Dragon.
53. I know who Killed Me.
54. Ice Age 3.
55. Idiocracy.
56. Imaginary Heroes.
57. Incredibles.
58. Iron Man 2.
59. John Carpenters The Thing.
60. Jonah Hex.
61. Kick-Ass.
62. Knight and Day.
63. Kynodontas.
64. Labyrinth.
65. Le Femme Nikita.
66. Legends of the Fall.
67. Let the Right One in.
68. Look Who's Talking 1.
69. Look Who's Talking Now.
70. Look Who's Talking Too.
71. Machete.
72. Monsters.
73. Moon.
74. Mum and Dad.
75. My Soul to Take.
76. Necromentia.
77. Nekromantic.
78. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.
79. Nigh of the Demons.
80. Night of the Living Dorks.
81. Orphan.
82. Perrier's Bounty.
83. Piranha.
84. Poison Ivy 1.
85. Poison Ivy 2: Lilly.
86. Poison Ivy 3: New Seduction.
87. Predators.
88. Rain Man.
89. REC.
90. Red.
91. Reign of Fire.
92. Resident Evil 1.
93. Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse.
94. Resident Evil 3: Extinction.
95. Resident Evil 4: Afterlife.
96. Restraint.
97. Return of the Living Dead 2.
98. Robin Hood Men in Tights.
99. Running Scared.
100. Salt.
101. Saw 1.
102. Saw 2.
103. Saw 3.
104. Saw 4.
105. Saw 5.
106. Saw 6.
107. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.
108. Se7en.
109. Serenity.
110. Severence.
111. Sherlock Holmes (2009)
112. Shoot'Em Up.
113. Silent Hill.
114. Skyline.
115. Smokin' Aces 1.
116. Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins Ball.
117. Spaceballs.
118. Spiderman 1.
119. Spiderman 2.
120. Spiderman 3.
121. Splice.
122. Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace.
123. Star Wars 4: A New Hope.
124. Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi.
125. Step Up 3.
126. Straightheads.
127. Suck.
128. Superman 1.
129. Superman 2.
130. Superman 3: Superman vs Superman.
131. Superman 4: The Quest for Peace.
132. Superman 5: Superman Returns.
133. Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight.
134. Taxi Driver.
135. Ten Inch Heroes.
136. The A Team.
137. The Boondock Saints.
138. The Burbs.
139. The Crow.
140. The Dark Crystal.
141. The Expendables.
142. The Fifth Element.
143. The Fighter.
144. The Hills Run Red.
145. The Hole.
146. The Last Airbender.
147. The Lost Boys 1.
148. The Lost Boys 2: The Tribe.
149. The Lost Boys 3: The Thirst.
150. The Lovely Bones.
151. The NeverEnding Story 1.
152. The NeverEnding Story 3.
153. The Princess Bride.
154. The Social Network.
155. The Virginity Hit.
156. The Wiz.
157. Toy Story 3.
158. True Grit.
159. Uncle Buck.
160. Valhalla Rising.
161. Vampire in Brooklyn.
162. Vampires Suck.
163. Van Helsing.
164. Where the Wild Things Are.
165. Wicked Little Things.
166. Wild Wild West.
167. Willow.
168. Young Again.
169. Young Frankenstein.
170. Zack and Miri make a Porno.

I realised, while compiling this list, that some films have gone missing after my laptop died... Not everything was copied over onto the external harddrive by the rescue. Including 3 of the Star Wars films, and some random parts of series/ trilogies, live NeverEnding Story 2. MUST remember to fix that! Watch for those in the updates. Lol.

Beautiful isn't it? Of those, there are about 15 I've yet to watch... Which is saying something.

Apologies for the fact that some are MASSIVELY out of order... Did an Alphanumeric sort in Open Office and it plays silly buggers with numbers.

TRAVELLING IS FUN!

I want to travel... Like... LOADS.

Maybe to...

New Zealand
Texas
Michigan
Austrailia
South Africa (All of it. I'm not joking.)
Memphas
Italy
France
LA
New York
Oklahoma
Florida (Again)
Seattle
Greece
Turkey
Cyprus

And other places... Lots of places.

Is it wrong that I want to take my savings (For a flat deposit), grab a friend, and just travel for a year!?

Anyone want to join me!?

I keep forgetting that I can be whoever or whatever I want to be. I can wear whatever I want to wear. I don't have to settle on just one thing. If I want to wear skinny jeans, an oversized jumper and boots one day I can, and if the next day I want to wear baggy jeans and tank tops with my TOMS I can, and if the next day I want to wear a floral dress I can. Because there are no rules regarding what I can and cant wear. Nothing to tell me that I HAVE to be just one way. I like so many different kinds of clothes, why cant I wear them all whenever I feel like it? The only thing stopping me is me, really.

So I'm back. I've deleted a bunch of posts. Specific ones. Gunna try and get this place back to a less angsty zone.

I'm medicated, I've got an appointment coming up at some point to start my councilling, just waiting for it, getting my joint problems looked into, my heart weirdness too. It's all getting done. Currently on heavy duty sleeping pills to sort out my sleeping pattern.

Got a job, and now the oppertunity for another one. Still working on my story. Want to start my own business. Lots going on.

Learning to drive still... It's a slow process for me. Still planning on doing my direct access. Saving a flat deposit. Planning on taking a holiday next year.

Lots of things to do... But as always it comes down to money. The bain of my existance.

Bike Gear I Want...

... But currently can't afford to buy.


A pair of Minx Draggin' Jeans at £129.99 with which I'll also have to get Knee and Shin Armour at £12.99 and Hip Armour at £14.99. Which gives these a total of £157.97.


A Spada Classic Cruiser Jacket at £110.


A pair of Spidi Eve Gloves at £44.99.


A Pair of Falco Biker Boots at £94.99.

And a helmet I've yet to choose... Indecisive about my brain protection.

So far that's about £407.95... Whoa. Lots of money. Still... You can't really put a price on safety and I'd rather shell out a bunch of money and be safe than spend less and get seriously hurt.

Eeep!

Four days until I'm back in Surrey. Woohoo! My cousins wedding on Saturday too which is AWESOME! I have to ring the Job centre tomorrow AGAIN about my claim. Lameo!

I cant wait to see Best Guy Friend and be wrapped up in his arms even if it's just for a Just Friends hug, because that's better than no hugs at all. He's gunna come back to Yummy Mummys with me and I'm hoping to watch T3 and drink vodka and coke and chill out, just the three of us. Maybe movie cuddles? A girl can hope.

I'm so excited.

Hm.

I really want a pair of denim shorts... Don't ask why because I don't like my legs, but I feel the need to own and wear denim shorts. This is strange.

My Adventures in Having Dates...

So I've never been on a real date before. I'm serious. I'm 24 and I've not been on a date.

One of my exes said he'd take me out to the cinema, his treat, cos I was sad and poor... Then he came to meet me and we went in and when it came to buy the tickets he bitched at me for 20 minutes that I had to buy my own. So I couldn't get a drink or anything cos it was the last of my money. He didn't care. It was so horrid. He'd promised his treat.

I went to the pub once half an hour before it shut for a drink with a guy. If that counts? He said it did.

He also said a takeaway in my bedroom watching a movie counted.

Do those three count? If they do then I HAVE been on a date. They've just all sucked.

I want a real date. Like going to the airshow in the day then to the pub for dinner and drinks after. Or going to see a musical then for drinks and food after. Or something. Something better than takeaway or a pint of cider. :o(

Everyone else gets dates.

Attention One and All...

I shall now unveil my new hair colour to you all...

*Drumroll*

Are you excited?

*Another Drumroll*

I bet you're excited.

*Yet More Drumroll*

TAADAA!!!



Pretty red huh? I love it. It's plummy red goodness and I can finally, honestly say that my hair is red! Yay!

Gunna be a BITCH to maintain this colour! Hoping to get it trimmed up and stuff on Saturday with my invisible money. Lol.

So I'm moving!

Things to do in the next ten days:

• Confirm leaving with Mother.
• Go through my things, sort them into 3 lots: Take with me, Store, Give away.
• Take unwanted things to the charity shop.
• Buy some more smart shirts for interviews and such.
• Pack things I'll need into as little space as I can.
• Box up all of my crap and put it neatly, labelled in the basement.
• Try and find someone willing to drive up and pick me and my crap up and drive me back down again.
• If that last one fails buy a train ticket and curse the amount of stuff I need to take with me. Struggle on the trains all day cursing a lack of chivalry in modern men.
• Cry from happiness when I finally arrive at my destination, no doubt tired, dirty and hating everyone and everything.

Funny enough, breaking it to mum that I want to move back to Surrey was easy. Cos she expected it. Ah. That obvious am I? Good to know...

It occurred to me that what I consider exercise, lots of people wouldn't. Well to anyone thinking that. Fuck you. I'm way unhealthy and anything that gets my heart pumping and a sweat starting to form is exercise. Take your biased ass somewhere else.

So what if it's only 4 exercises at 20 reps a piece? It's a start.

Soon I'll be JOGGING! Jam that in your pipe and smoke it.

My calorie intake is hella low. I'm not starving myself or anything, I just only eat when I'm hungry and I tend to fill up on tea in lieu of actually eating food. Which is bad. But works for me. 

Boo

We got a new dog a couple of days ago... Just went out with Chloe to take her for a walk. 45 minutes, not bad. Gunna go out with her and Chloe in the evening and take her out in the day. I figure an hour and a half to two hours of walking the dog a day should help towards the weight loss goal.

Yay.

Heh.

I've always found vagueness gets the truth better than out and out asking a question. Sometimes more truth than you expect. Because when you're vague, and just imply that you know something, people shit themselves and come clean. Most times. It's not always the best way, but in my experience it works about 90% of the time. Best yet when you know the truth. Out and out asking means someone knows exactly what to lie about. Being vague doesn't. They have to work out what you know and what you don't. They trip themselves up.

The truth will out. I'm normally very good at finding out what I need to know. One way or another.

FB Statuses I Plan on Having.

Sarah may present a choking hazard to small children.


Sarah may contain nuts.


Sarah is suitable for vegetarians.


Sarah should be stored out of direct sunlight.


Sarah is gluten free.


Sarah may contain small bones.


Sarah may cause drowsiness.


Sarah should not be taken with alcohol.


Sarah may have sharp edges.


Sarah cannot be held responsible for loss or theft of personal items.


Sarah cares not for your fuckery.

Heh. How cool am I!?!

I really need to lose some weight. This is getting stupid. I keep starting and not following through on exercising. I want to be thinner. Not massively, just a bit around my middle and thighs. Hm. No-one to blame but myself that it hasn't happened.

Soooo I'm going to try again. And write it on here. My weekly weigh in and stuff. So my starting weight is *Drum roll* 13 Stone/ 182 Pounds. Ouch. I'm not that tall, about 5'4" so that's kinda heavy.

Any tips?

*Update* I've decided to add my waist, hip and thigh measurements, because that's more of the loss I want to see. So.

Waist: 36 Inches
Hips: 45 Inches
Thighs: 44 Inches

Fuck.

Randomness More.

I need to be up kind of early tomorrow. I have the jobseekers people ringing between 9AM and 1PM... Thanks for the vague guys! That's so I can find out why I've not been paid yet. Cos I'm fucking poor and have bills to pay.

Cancelled my credit card today. Woohoo! Now I have £3500 in debt on a card in my dads name, so my bills are actually paying him. I should have cancelled that card about 4 years ago and I'd be debt free, but NO! And the worst thing? That £3500 only took me 6 months to get. If I'm good at nothing else I'm good at spending money.

Tomorrow I'm going to start looking for jobs in Surrey. I know I've not heard back from the interview yet but I want to know what my options are.

Loose Women competition closes tomorrow and they announce the winner by the 8th. I know it wont be me because that's not my luck but a girl can hope and £15000 would come in real handy. I already know how I'll spend it! Lol.

Busy busy... Gotta keep busy. Try and distract myself and convince myself everything will work out in the end.

No Matter How Many Times I Click My Heels Together I'm Still Stuck In This Hellhole.

Moving here was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it so much. At least in Surrey I had a job, no matter how shit it was, and I had my own place, freedom, money, my friends close by. I wasn't alone and bored and skint and jobless and spending all my time cleaning up after my whole family and being treated like a fucking slave by my sister. The only good things that have come out of the move are Levi and my treatment and I'd rather be back in Surrey with neither having not moved than here with them. It's true that you don't realise what you've got until it's gone. Things were much better than I realised. I threw so much away thinking that this move would be the making of me and that everything would be great. How wrong could I have been?

Getting a job wont make this any better. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!! I want to be back home. I want my friends. I want to be there to help Best Guy Friend through all of his stuff. I want my life back. This is a nightmare. I hate it so much here. I wish I could wake up and it be 4 months ago when this was just a pipe dream and know how shit moving would be and just not do it. Adam could go, I'd have found a new flatmate if only I knew how much I'd hate this.

Why has no-one invented a working time machine yet? One that just pops you into your body however far back you want to go in your life with memories from what you've lived so you know which mistakes not to make. I'd sell everything I own to use it and go back to before I decided to move. To not do this. To not make this mistake.

I cant tell mum how much I hate it. I don't want to upset her. I cant tell her I'm planning on moving back as soon as I can. I cant tell her how I regret ever moving and how I wish I hadn't.

I'm just stuck in hell. I don't know what to do. It makes me so much more depressed because I can't just pop over to Yummy Mummys or go down the pub with people or have Angry Short Friend over to watch Glee and listen to show tunes and drink or anything. I'm stranded in my worst nightmare.

I'm not built to live without my friends near me. They're my whole life. I live for them, to have them there for me and to be there for them. They're my family. I love them and I miss them and I don't know what to do or how to live without them right there. I'm 5 fucking hours away from them all! Closer to Best Girl Friend but even that's like, 3 hours! I just can't live like this. I need people, friends, contact, hugs, dancing, girlie nights in, knowing that if it all gets bad I have people just round the corner, no more than an hour away. This is killing me and I'm so unhappy it's unreal.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in a catch 22. With no job and no money I cant move, but if I get a job then I'm tied down to this place.

I hate all of this. Why did I have to react like I did to me and Ex Boyfriend breaking up and run away? I'm so stupid. So, so, so stupid.

Help? :'o(

O HAI!!!

Who wants some more good news from Sarahtopia!? I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW ON MONDAY!!!! YAY!!! I'm so nervous! But I hope I get it. A nice Monday - Friday, 9am - 5.30pm. Just what I've been looking for!

I still plan on moving back to Surrey, that hasn't changed at all, but having an income will make that more likely.

YES!

Also, started my meds today. Wootwoot.

Dad's here. Boo.