So, had my GP appointment. My sister came with me to get her arm looked at cos she hurt it. Anyway, my appointment was on time, I went in to see the doctor, she listened while I explained about the depression, the paranoia, how I second guess everything, the suicidal thoughts, the want to self harm, the rages, my trouble sleeping. She asked questions. Then she told me that although depression was part of the problem it wasn't the sole issue, and she thought I have some kind of psychosis.
She asked me if I felt OK with waiting for a counsellor, or if I thought I was at immediate risk of doing something stupid (Not quite those words but you get what I mean), she also said I should tell either mum, Chloe or Adam about my thoughts of self harm and suicide so they can watch me. I'm not telling mum because whenever I mention feeling depressed she acts like I have no idea and I'm exaggerating, and the last time I told her I felt suicidal (Years ago, back at college) she went off on one and kept laying on the guilt. She told me at one point, when I was in bed crying, that I might as well do it and get it over and done with so she didn't have to keep worrying she was going to wake up and find me dead. So no. Not telling her. Adams barely here and Chloe... I don't think she'd give a crap.
So I have a prescription for anti-psychotics that I have to get filled tomorrow. I would have them now but the first prescription was no longer being manufactured and I had to go back to the GP (and wait half an hour) to get an alternative. I'm on Heloperidol for now, seeing how it goes, and I have to check in, in two weeks to see if their working. She said I'd feel light headed and out of sorts for a few days but that's normal.
In a few weeks I should get my counsellor appointment. So it's looking up.
I hope these pills work and the counselling helps and I can be happier and calmer and less rage-y and more stable and stuff. Just better. Now so wildly swinging from one mood to another with paranoia thrown in for good measure.